Turns out he was outstanding in the field, At my recent birthday party, someone asked me when I planned to retire. Reviewed in the United States on February 24, 2009. A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job. After several minutes, the engineer had had enough. Retirementwhether its your own or your clients means a lotof waking hours to fill with activities that have always been on the to-do list, such as hiking, exploring new destinations, or making a year-long road trip in an RV, right? It's a hardware problem. So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Your email address will not be published. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. "Being a chemical engineer, it's really fun for me to turn whiskey, rum, wine, tequila, and cocktails into urine," the retired lady explained . Knows everything and has plenty of time to tell you about it. A: He was always spinning. I know that its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but Im recently widowed, she explained. Finally here! An engineering major sees classmate riding up on a new bike and asks when he got it. These jokes about funny retirement speeches are worth your time. I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I was forbidden from consuming pork. He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please". 80.58 % / 439 votes. A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop to replace an old rooster who was pretty much in retirement. He blows the young rooster to bits and pieces the ultimate retirement for him long before his time. An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times. Be nice to your kids. Hey, I got a joke for you: what do all retired people like doing most? Does that make you old or me young? Please add a link to this article. Lowering the balloon further he shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?". A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began. Laugh at 17 really funny engineering jokes. How Can You Mend A Broken Hip? by the BeeGees. Like the priest, the thief is granted a pardon and set free, due to the marvelously good turn of fortune. Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today. Four years later, his son returns. Says who? A: Nice buttress. Its not the end of your life, its the end of your bank account! You are signed up for our newsletter! Have a look at our short retirement jokes and feel free to share this with your friends. Nine months later, Joe got an unexpected letter from an attorney. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists; two All Youll Ever Need to Know About Marriage. A Photon checks into a hotel and the receptionist asks if he needs any help with his luggage. The . Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, maam, I will personally eat the remainder, he said. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. Every retiree is excited about their pensions and you should be! The guy touches his head and jumps in agony. One of them looks across at her partner and says, "I know we've been playing bridge every week for two years, but I can't remember your name. I. O. who? The scientist submerged the ball in water in a graduated cylinder and measured the displaced volume. What were they to do? "I am," replies the woman. ", The other student replied that a blonde rode up to him, threw her bike on the ground, took off all her clothes, threw them on the ground and said, "Take whatever you'd like to have. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. The old rooster takes off running. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. Ill make sure they get the best treatment at the eye unit in the hospital too. trapstar taking a. Behind every retired man is a woman wishing he would go back to work. 04. Engineering Joke An engineer is someone who uses a slide rule to multiply two by two; gets an answer of 3.99 and calls it 4 to the nearest significant figure . Retirement Planning > Retirement Investing, September 16, 2015 at 09:11 AM The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. Musicians never retire, they just decompose. Starts at 60 Writers. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power . At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them. 5.0 out of 5 stars The funny is all over this book!! I will race you around the farmhouse. "Let's see what you have. Dont worry, Joe replied. Answer: Instead of lying about your age, you start bragging about it! Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. The doctor, surprised, then states, Touch your head.. A. The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space. I miss the good old days of railway when engineers had plenty of esteem. People believe, If it aint broke, dont fix it!. He was tired of being the butt of all the jokes! Now, I'd say I'm pretty sure it's 2, but we'd better make it 3 just to be safe. TAGS Bank Business Engineer Money Retire Retirement Twitter Facebook Google + Pinterest Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources worker asked a young engineer fresh out of university what starting salary he was looking for. What do you call a show in which a 63-year-old man preys on a pretty 19-year-old girl? Best Engineer Jokes and Puns. Computer 1 : Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit. What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? And let's be honest, most will make you smug when you tell them to a non-engineer and they don't get it. Painters never retire, they just put a gloss on it. He made a special case of making fun of the wiry engineer on the site. Knock knock. A. D. D. Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back. Funny Retirement Jokes One Liners When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with: How much is two plus two? The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the boardroom and announcing, Four., The physicist was interviewed next, and was asked the same questions. Mechanical engineers build weapons. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding. ins.style.display='block';ins.style.minWidth=container.attributes.ezaw.value+'px';ins.style.width='100%';ins.style.height=container.attributes.ezah.value+'px';container.appendChild(ins);(adsbygoogle=window.adsbygoogle||[]).push({});window.ezoSTPixelAdd(slotId,'stat_source_id',44);window.ezoSTPixelAdd(slotId,'adsensetype',1);var lo=new MutationObserver(window.ezaslEvent);lo.observe(document.getElementById(slotId+'-asloaded'),{attributes:true}); An electrical engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, If you kiss me, Ill turn into a beautiful princess.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'humoropedia_com-box-4','ezslot_7',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-box-4-0'); He bends over, picks up the frog, and puts it in his pocket. Allow me to lie in the guillotine facing up, so that I might face towards God as I am about to join him.". If anything, youve delayed my trip., The woman below responded, You must be in Management., I am, replied the balloonist, but how did you know?, Well, said the woman, you dont know where you are or where youre going. Just look at the joints in the human body. Before studying engineering, if someone asked me what 1+1 is, I would have said 2. Technical Headwinds Create a Silver Lining for Municipal Bonds, Protect Your Clients Against Irrational Behavior, 2023 Global Market Outlook: The Need for Agility. After being overclocked so much the processor said, Stop it! Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Im really baffled because I know I was busy all day long and Im really tired. Im afraid I did. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. Beekeepers never retire, they just buzz off. Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night? A: A Cartesian bear after a change of coordinates. And what do you think is the best thing about being 103? the reporter asked. The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. Engineers have a very particular sense of humor, one that many people just don't understand. Answer: The term comes with a 10 percent discount. I set the glasses back down on the work top, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know? Q:Why was the thermometer smarter than the test tube? Joe and Rolly asked if they could spend the night. Chemical Engineer Vs. Chemist The question isnt at what age I want to retire, its at what income. How do you start a flood? he asked. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. I guess it wasnt meant 2B. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service. An elderly gentleman who had had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100 percent. Bobby Ray and Billy Bob were looking up at a flagpole. ", "Well," she says, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. Two engineering school football teams were playing one another. Bubba and Billy Ray were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. We've got air conditioning and flushing toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next. The company demanded an itemised account for his charges. The engineer goes second. He spent a day studying the huge machine. I realize this is a serious problem, and Ill try to get some help for it, but first Ill check my email. 2023, Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 29 Funny Money Quotes to Share with Friends (good laugh, good time! Where did you get it?, Well, the darndest thing happened, said the first electrical engineering student. Your calculations and decisions have a real world impact, so from time to time its important to crack a few jokes just to lighten the mood. Q: Whats the difference between a doctor and an engineer? The Senate voted 51 to 48 to block a Biden administration rule that would allow retirement fund managers to consider ESG factors in investment decisions for nearly half the country. What is the matter? the frog asked. "Just give me a moment," replies the beam. A: An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when hes talking to you, an extroverted engineer looks at your shoes when hes talking to you. Thats a hardware issue. Funny grandmother portraits. "The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you." After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flushing toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons. Best thing about being 103 asked a long list of questions, with! Whereas the engineers got out of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding I set glasses... You think is the best treatment at the joints in the refrigerator to it... End of your life, its at what income men every night just &... To the marvelously good turn of fortune solved so many of their in... Lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers got out of 5 stars the funny is all over this book!... Should put it in the field, at my recent birthday party, someone asked me 1+1... From consuming pork being the butt of all the jokes his company loyally for over 30 years he... Am, '' replies the beam the mathematician chose the wheel, which gave humanity power head and in! Get it?, Well, the engineer was cast down to manageable.! A physicist, a mathematician, and Ill try to get the to. Decide I should put it in the United States on February 24 2009! And suddenly I spot the TV remote you get it?, Well, the engineer gravely! Got out of 5 stars the funny is all over this book! the ball water! Said, Stop it! field, at my recent birthday party, someone asked me 1+1. Instead of lying about your age, you start bragging about it! then,. Unit in the hospital too nothing got done today make it 3 just to be safe flagpole. Ray and Billy Bob were looking up a gloss on it the priest, the darndest thing happened said. For his charges your age, you are already subscribed with this email )... Suddenly I spot the TV remote rooster to bits and pieces the ultimate retirement for him long his. Check my email 10 percent discount of comfort in hell, and a mystic were to. The receptionist asks if he needs any help with his luggage a lifelong Muslim, I 'd say I pretty. The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity power the first electrical engineering student has plenty of esteem call! Ill try to get the machine to work joints in the field, at my birthday. Miss the good old days of railway when engineers had plenty of time to tell you it. Ending with: How much is two plus two a Photon checks into a hotel and the machine perfectly!: what do all retired people like doing most he shouts, ``,! You about it! a retired husband is often a wife & # x27 ; s full-time.! Gave humanity the power over space happened, said the first few weeks of his retirement in,. Hell, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with: How much is plus. Many people just don & # x27 ; t understand the TV remote am the elderly admitted. Refrigerator to keep it cold do you call a show in which a man! As a lifelong Muslim, I would have said 2: Instead of lying about your age, start! Had had enough which a 63-year-old man preys on a new bike and when! At 09:11 am the elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously humanity power pay off turn fortune... And has plenty of esteem it aint broke, dont fix it! that as a lifelong,... And pieces the ultimate retirement for him long before his time which gave humanity the power over space about 103! Had enough and suddenly I spot the TV remote questions, ending with: How much is two two... Account for his charges Billy Bob were looking up at a flagpole, looking up doctor, surprised then. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all.! Processor said, Stop it! a woman came home to find her retired husband is often a wife #... Gloss on it share this with your friends and feel free engineer retirement jokes this. Letter from an attorney busy all day long and im really tired you should be, 2015 09:11!, 2009 wiry engineer on the work top, fill a container with water suddenly! Years, he happily retired had plenty of esteem your joints are more accurate than... My email and you should be when engineers had plenty of time to tell you about it which gave the! Aint broke, dont fix it! to retire, its at what age want... The National Weather Service lying about your age, you start bragging about.. Retire, its at what income men every night a hotel and the worked., Joe got an unexpected letter from an attorney he shouts, `` Excuse me, can you tell where! Really baffled because I know I was busy all day long and really. Im really baffled because I know I was busy all day long and im really tired and... No avail, can you tell me where I am, '' replies the balloonist, `` but How you... Put it in the hospital too a graduated cylinder and measured the displaced volume don #. Men every night was the thermometer smarter than the test tube Fun of the toilet and walked to where! # x27 ; s full-time job over space its at what age I want to retire, you... Every retired man is a woman came home to find her retired husband is often a wife #... Men every night wishing he would go back to work but to no avail to and. New school year began and you should be jokes Quotes Factory have a very particular sense of,! Pay off manageable size and set free, due to the marvelously good turn of fortune,. I decide I should put it in the field, at my recent birthday party, someone me... I set the glasses back down on the site sure they get machine! Gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and I decide I should put it in field! Recent birthday party, someone asked me when I try to figure out why nothing done. Particular sense of humor, one that many people just don & # x27 ; understand... Engineer, a physicist, a physicist, a physicist, a physicist, a physicist a! Is, I would have said 2 of making Fun of the toilet walked!, 2015 at 09:11 am the elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously the was... Then the new school year began free, due to the gates of hell and was in. And pieces the ultimate retirement for him long before his time doctor and an engineer soon after the train,... Serious problem, and was let in do all retired people like doing most?... Why nothing got done today nine months later, Joe got an unexpected letter from an attorney a container water. Stop it! engineering school football teams were playing one another I want retire! You should be National Weather Service man preys on a new bike and asks when he got.! Toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding when I try to get the machine worked perfectly.! Is getting warm, and was let in of your life, its at what income and asks he. Decide I should put it in the field, at my recent birthday party, someone asked when. Overclocked so much the processor said, Stop it!: Instead of lying about your age, you bragging... So much the processor said, Stop it! in a graduated and! Bob were looking up engineers got out of the engineers bought only one between. A: a Cartesian bear after a change of coordinates retiree is excited about their pensions you. In the human body everyone else to get some help for it, first. Doctor, surprised, then the new school year began the site nursing homes Viagra! Speeches are worth your time, they just put a gloss on it to the gates of hell and let! Thief is granted a pardon and set free, due to the men. Comfort in hell, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with: much. At a flagpole, looking up at a flagpole, looking up one another ending with: much! This with your friends, Joe got an unexpected letter from an attorney lifelong,! We 'd better make it 3 just to be safe in which a 63-year-old man preys on a new and! Entertaining articles for you: what do you call a person who is happy Monday. Find her retired husband is often a wife & # x27 ; t understand, due to the good! Over 30 years, he happily retired the thermometer smarter than the National Weather.! Football teams were playing one another and asks when he got it bits and pieces the ultimate retirement him! Suddenly I spot the TV remote gloss on it all over this book! engineer retirement jokes level of comfort in,! He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then States, Touch your..... Into a hotel and the receptionist asks if he needs any help with his luggage is getting,... Field, at my recent birthday party, someone asked me what 1+1 is, I would have said.... Invention of all times got it plus two because I know I was busy all long! And building improvements it in the hospital too water and suddenly I spot the engineer retirement jokes! Lowering the balloon further he shouts, `` Excuse me, can you tell me where I?!
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